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Dear Wife: 

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you 
forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing 
to show for it. 

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that 
you quit your job today and that was the last straw. 

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new 
haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of 
silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after 
watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you 
don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. 

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the 
case, I'm gone. 

Your EX-Husband 

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving awa y 
to West Virginia together! Have a great life! 

Dear Ex-Husband - 

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's 
true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good 
man is a far cry from what you've been. 

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining 
and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. 

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that 
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me 
not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. 

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused 
with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. 

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the 
$49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a 
coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me 
that morning. 

A fter all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it 
out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and 
bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. 
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. 

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said 
that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take 


Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free! 

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla 
was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem